gwydion: (Default)
* "Nigeria’s winners and losers - from godfathers to rappers:" https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-47400317

* "Officials say Trump overstated Kim's demand on sanctions:" https://apnews.com/85250b96c38b4a238139e753302d9742

* "Otto Warmbier's family rebukes Trump, says Kim Jong Un is responsible for son's death:" https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/01/politics/otto-warmbier-family-trump-north-korea/index.html

* "Judge orders Roger Stone to explain imminent release of book that may violate gag order:" https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/legal-issues/judge-orders-roger-stone-to-explain-imminent-release-of-book-that-may-violate-gag-order/2019/03/01/c5302c0e-3c80-11e9-aaae-69364b2ed137_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.02f99a41b105

* "Rep. Maxine Waters wants to investigate Trump Foundation:" https://www.politico.com/story/2019/02/28/waters-investigation-trump-foundation-1229221

* "Who is Felix Sater and what's his role in Michael Cohen's plea deal?:" https://www.cbsnews.com/news/who-is-felix-sater-and-whats-his-role-in-michael-cohens-plea-deal/

* "With trials ending, Manafort fixates on another kind of judgment:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/with-trials-ending-manafort-fixates-on-another-kind-of-judgment-1450954819785

* "Swalwell confirms Cohen 'game changing' closed-door testimony:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/swalwell-confirms-cohen-game-changing-closed-door-testimony-1450956355873

* "Evolving lawyer statements could mean trouble for Kushner:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/evolving-lawyer-statements-could-mean-trouble-for-kushner-1450956867753

* "Washington Gov. Jay Inslee launches presidential campaign:" https://www.politico.com/story/2019/03/01/washington-governor-jay-inslee-launches-2020-presidential-campaign-1197170

* "N.C. political operative indicted, and prosecutor signals that more charges are likely:" https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/north-carolina-political-operative-indicted-in-election-fraud-case-that-upended-congressional-race/2019/02/27/b0d5f004-3aaf-11e9-aaae-69364b2ed137_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.49446984f211

* "Indicted NC political operative bailed out by elected official:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/indicted-nc-political-operative-bailed-out-by-elected-official-1450950211832

* "More than 1,000 TSA employees still owed back pay from shutdown:" https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/01/politics/tsa-back-pay-shutdown/index.html

* "ICE detaining "alarming" number of infants as young as five months, immigration groups claim:" https://www.newsweek.com/ice-detaining-alarming-number-infants-young-5-years-old-immigration-groups-1348648

* "London Medieval Murder Map:" https://www.vrc.crim.cam.ac.uk/vrcresearch/london-medieval-murder-map

* I got crap sleep, but managed to dress and be conscious when phone bureaucracy called 15 minutes early. To postpone until Tuesday, the motherfuckers. So I have to do this again for the sake of a horrible hour and a half long phone call I do not want to have in which there will be a million boring and intrusive questions and I must charm the new caseworker. I just wanted it the fuck over with so they'll leave me alone for another year. It was a last minute all staff meeting their end apparently. At least new caseworker follows the don't call before 3PM note in my file and does scheduling instead of waking me up at ten AM for surprise interrogation. Sigh.

* I periodically talk about my long term desensitization project. Part of why I do that is because I think a lot of time trauma feels so big and immutable that it can be really discouraging, particularly in the early stages of dealing with it. I wish I'd known what the other side might look like back when I was doing the hardest part of the work in my late teens. So this is what the the side looks like.

I think I may have finally hit some sort of tipping point were instead of chip, chip chipping away, progress is just so much faster. Enough to take my breath away. The first time I watched Hannibal it was so triggering, I had to give up early in second season. Today I passed the point where I gave up a few years ago and I haven't been triggered once. It's not like all the things done to me are undone, but it's fascinating for me to watch something that jumped up and down on a whole complex of some of my worst triggers and just feel ordinary watching a TV show things. I couldn't have really imagined that in my twenties despite how diligently I worked at defusing mines one by one. So often in the last half decade I've stepped gingerly, expecting explosion and nothing much happened, or only the ghost of an echo. I think this is what mostly healed looks like. The things that shaped me really are turning into just things that shaped me, some of which I still have feelings about, but which aren't anything like a minefield anymore.

The work was always worth it, even in the beginning when progress was hard to measure, and I plan to keep at it in future, because there will likely still be odds and ends to find and deal with. I just really did want to remind people that how you feel right now doesn't have to be forever. The work is worth doing and it really can get so much better no matter how bad it gets in the now.

* Randomly, my Washington Post access seems to be back!

*****
* Full list of Resistance and charity links has been migrated to my profile as it was getting out of hand.

* Trans Helplines: https://www.translifeline.org/

* Want to complaint about Betsy DeVos's plan to coddle college rapists? https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2018/11/29/2018-25314/nondiscrimination-on-the-basis-of-sex-in-education-programs-or-activities-receiving-federal#open-comment

* Donate to HIAS to help refugees: https://act.hias.org/page/6048/donate/1

* Want to contribute directly to the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services fund? "Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services:" https://www.raicestexas.org/

* Support Kids at the Border: http://brigdh.tumblr.com/post/175022384240/support-the-kids-at-the-border

* The Rainbow Road and other ways to help Gay Refugees: http://gwydionmisha.tumblr.com/post/160470723507/the-rainbow-railroad-is-helping-gay-men-escape

* Upset about the abuse of big cats by people who shouldn't be allowed to keep them? Big cat rescue is trying to change laws to protect wild animals. "Cat Laws:" https://bigcatrescue.org/cat-laws/

* A list of organizations to help you run for office: http://lovingmyselfishard.tumblr.com/post/167330144634/psst-hey

* Have something you want to tell your Congress Critters? If you can not protest in person, here are some other options:
Call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask to be connected to the representative of your choice.

* This App phones your rep for you: http://takeastance.us/

* Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resistbot.io/

* This is a cool person and the swimsuits are being made from an ethical source. LGBTQIA+ swimsuits: https://www.etsy.com/shop/NerdyKeppie?ref=l2-shopheader-name§ion_id=24021616

* Help pay for cat food, litter, meds, medical copays: Paypal Lethran@gmail.com or paypal.me/Gwydion

* Birthday/Solstice master list: https://gwydion.dreamwidth.org/1925021.html
gwydion: (Default)
* "Tories vote down law requiring landlords make their homes fit for human habitation:" http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/tories-vote-down-law-requiring-landlords-make-their-homes-fit-for-human-habitation-a6809691.html#gallery

* "Rage bursts onto London streets after Grenfell Tower fire:" https://socialistworker.co.uk/art/44819/Rage+bursts+on+to+London+streets+after+Grenfell+Tower+fire

* "Theresa May's chief of staff 'sat on' report warning high-rise blocks like Grenfell Tower were vulnerable to fire:" http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/theresa-mays-chief-staff-sat-10620357

* "Just $3 extra per panel could have made the London Tower cladding fireproof:" http://www.news.com.au/world/europe/claims-spending-just-another-8000-would-have-ensured-the-grenfell-towers-cladding-was-fireproof/news-story/838d5bd32a820bd9b13b3eee97278ede

* I am so furious about the Grenfell Tower Fire that I've been unable to formulate a coherent posting about it. There needs to be a reckoning for everyone of the heartless fat cats who made the decisions that contributed to this. 10,000 pounds per victim should not be enough to buy off people who lost everything and many of whom were maimed or killed because of greed and cruelty and class warfare against the poor.

* Republicans want to remind you that bumping three million children off their health care is absolutely necessary to give the wealthiest people a tax cut which is why it is right and ethical to rush their Trumpcare bill through the senate without debate or deliberation. After all, killing innocent Americans by denying them healthcare for treatable illnesses so the .1% can get richer can't start soon enough in their opinion, so why wait?

* "Black Flight Attendant Saves Young Girl From Sex Trafficking:" http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2017/02/black-flight-attendant-saves-young-girl-from-sex-trafficking/

* "Valerie Castile Speaks In Wake Of Unjust Verdict:" http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2017/06/valerie-castile-speaks-in-wake-of.html

* "White Students Share Photoshopped Image of Black Classmate Being Lynched:" http://www.bet.com/news/national/2017/06/12/student-pictured-under-noose-posted-to-school-chat-room.html?cid=facebook&utm_content=buffer6eddf&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

* "Anxiety soaked instances of power:" https://mxbumblepants.wordpress.com/2017/06/19/anxiety-soaked-instances-of-power/

* "Where Do Ex-Evangelicals Come From?:" https://chrisstroop.com/2017/06/07/where-do-ex-evangelicals-come-from/?preview_id=6996&preview_nonce=a285655f92

* "Scientists say the rapid sinking of Louisiana’s coast already counts as a ‘worst case scenario’:" https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/energy-environment/wp/2017/06/15/scientists-say-the-rapid-sinking-of-louisianas-coast-already-counts-as-a-worst-case-scenario/?utm_term=.403056a7c04f&wpisrc=nl_most-draw14&wpmm=1

* "Hawaii Becomes the First State to Pass a Bill in Support of Universal Basic Income:" https://futurism.com/hawaii-becomes-the-first-state-to-pass-a-bill-in-support-of-universal-basic-income/

* "Clay pot fragments reveal early start to cheese-making, a marker for civilization:" https://phys.org/news/2013-01-clay-pot-fragments-reveal-early.html

* Damn. Vir Kotto was glorious. "Stephen Furst, 'Animal House' actor, dies:" http://www.cnn.com/2017/06/17/entertainment/stephen-furst-obit/index.html

* Oh Gods. I left the house around 11AM Saturday and was working on the move all day. I got home... 9:15? 9:30? We picked up a local load and two of us unpacked it at the new house. We went to the old house to switch people, then on to UHAUL, where it turned out THEY DIDN"T HAVE OUR TRUCK. It was up in Lynden. I refused to go search Lynden, burning a ton of gas and abandoning our car up there with no way to retrieve it as we would have to return the truck here. It was good I was stubborn. They drove all the way up there to get it only to find out the assholes had rented it out from under us. This took them an hour. They had no smaller vehicles I could take, and stuck us with a full sized moving van, which is twice the size of the largest thing I'd ever driven, too big for the job, and too big for residential roads. It was terrifying to drive and curves were nightmares. They must be out by Monday. We had to take it. The asshole new owners had cleverly parked so I could not maneuver the truck into a reasonable position, which meant anything larger or heavier than i could carry on my head or shoulder had to go two sides of a truck length triangle. Luckily, I could go the hypoteneuse, but still, if they hadn't had to have their three large vehicles in the way, I could have turned around and we could have had a straight line from house to truck. I carried everything I could, while the asshole new owners blasted music, used heavy equipment for which we were not issued ear protection, and allowed their fucking bark happy chihuahua to worry our legs as we were carrying heavy shit. I am, of course, not meant to be carrying anything, but we had four hours to load nearly everything they owned into a frigging moving van with two able bodied people, plus me. I did what I good, taking breaks when I had to. I feel really bad for having to take a whole hour off near the end, but I needed to be in some shape to drive a vehicle nearly the size of a bus. By that point my legs were barely working anyway. Anyway, I gave them the half hour warning, carried a few more things. They said they were doneish for the night anyway. It went against the grain to not fill the truck, but we needed to have had one more person to have made that happen. I went and asked the asshole new owners to move the truck making it impossible for me to leave, which they did do, plus restrained or had their kid restrain the dogs, which was a load of my mind as I was terrified of running one of them over. We were one the road on time and made it to the other place. I had had plenty of time to think about how the fuck we were getting a bus sized truck onto those back roads and park it without sutting off a road's worth of traffic for 3+ hours estimated unload time. My plan to go past the scary sharp turn on the main road and loop back via roads I'd scouted earlier proved excellent as we were able to slide into the lot of the apartment complex next door where there was actual room to park as long as I stayed close in case someone needed more back up room to leave, which didn't happen. (There was room for normal cars to get in and out fine, but if one of the pick ups or SUVs in one section of the complex needed to back out of a spot, I'd have had to pull forward. I was right there and luckily, no one needed to leave after 6:15 or so when we pulled in.) I carried a few things in, but mostly moved stuff from the back of the truck to the front for easy unloading. It only took 2 and a halfish hours to unload, in part because an extra person turned up half way through, so that meant we were out before dark and well ahead of having to turn the beast back in. We gassed up on the way to drop Monster truck off, and I managed it all with only one scary turn. The other moving buddy was kind enough to buy me pizza all day, which was lucky as no way could I cook in this condition and hadn't eaten all day. We did get the bulk of it out. They have other help tomorrow, so I can rest. Monday, I stay up all night and go get the animals out.

I am in a scary amount of pain, shaking, and likely these are all the spoons for the week for non-absolute subsistence tasks. My legs barely work. It had to be done. They must be out Monday.

If I suck or am missing in the near future from venues where I am expected, this is why.

* I got talked into trying Sons of Anarchy. It always surprises me how triggery Biker Gangs are for me. For example, I get sporked every time that post about that one club that does good charity goes across my tumblr dash, and my strong reaction startles me every fucking time. (There is nothing wrong with people reblogging that thing. This is the very definition of a personal problem) In between I forget though, I think because nothing in my west coast life has anything to do with bikers, and unlike with the large complex ball of things I short hand as "gaslighting," but which is actually a big ball of things entwined inextricably with gaslighting, my biker thing is super specific. I'm fine passing the Harley shop down by the Dairy Queen. I'm not even twinged by individual guys or even several guys on bikes. Warlocks are an East Coast club, and it's not like I'm going to see them around here, and the ones that knew my face were super local to that section of Philly and it's not like they'd remember or care after this many decades even if I were recognizable, which I am not. They stopped spotting me about three-four years after I went away to college, and I'm guessing I was well forgotten by then, the whole mess not having been one of their finest hours and embarrassing to all concerned.

It actually takes bikers in a group wearing the regalia, and usually prolonged exposure, modified by context. Five guys formation riding passing me on the highway is a twinge, not a problem. One guy in regalia minding his own business at a dinner is a twinge, not a problem. Since it takes a lot to set it off, and there isn't much that goes on since I moved to the PNW in '91, it's easy to forget in the long stretches between something happening, and it also means that unlike the Gaslighting tangle, I haven't spent literal decades on controlled desensitization. It's one of those things where I worked the important bulk of the trauma through ages ago. I've told the story of my senior year of high school more times than I can count, I believe most recently in a posting about how much Mickey Milkovich on Shameless matters to me and why he rips my heart out every damned time. It really is just this super specific reaction to some super specific input that happens hardly ever.

So of course I didn't think how I was going to feel when I popped the library DvD in... I'm thinking Friday. The acting is excellent. I am fond if several of the cast from other things. I spotted the Hamlet riff right off and am pleased by it, along with the complexity, but...? Yeah. It's not that bad, but it startled me how intense it was the first time it hit. It's not constant, or I wouldn't be doing this. I thought it over and decided it's a good desensitization tool and I should do this, so I've been doing it. My response to the art itself is complicated and not something I am even close to being able to word. It my never be. Was this the ideal weekend to start the project, what with the emergency Move final push? no, but I felt like if I didn't start it I might not, and I made a deal with myself way back in '86, when it became clear I'd never be able to make use of psychiatry, before this particular comparatively minor biker related trauma even happened, about how I was going to handle old scars and psych damage and I've kept that bargain. It's the only safe way to do it if I have to go solo. I am super strict. I have to be, and it serves me well.

So I've been doing this. I'm watching the whole first season before sending it back. I'm okay. I'm likely never going to want to be around bikers voluntarily, but I do think I can desensitize so tumblr won't spork me any more, which is really all I want out of sons of anarchy at this point.

* "Fear The Walking Dead, Season Three, Episodes One and Two:" http://www.fangsforthefantasy.com/2017/06/fear-walking-dead-season-three-episodes.html

* I was watching a thing on pollution in Russia, which randomly used the opening bars of Spectre of the Rose as background music. Clueless use of random classical music or extremely snarky musical commentary?

*****
* Full list of Resistance and charity links has been migrated to my profile as it was getting out of hand.

* "What can I do to help Syria?:" http://gwydionmisha.tumblr.com/post/161385222607/what-can-i-do-to-help-syria

* This App phones your rep for you: http://takeastance.us/

* Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resistbot.io/

* "So, what can people do?*:" http://brigdh.tumblr.com/post/161640495373/so-what-can-people-do

* Want to fight Climate Change? "Ready to Mobilize? Start Here!:" http://www.theclimatemobilization.org/start_here

* Distressed by the anti-gay genocide in Chechnya and the anti-gay laws in Russia? Donate here: https://lgbtnet.org/en

* The Rainbow Road and other ways to help Gay Refugees: http://gwydionmisha.tumblr.com/post/160470723507/the-rainbow-railroad-is-helping-gay-men-escape

* This is a Real Life friend of mine. They do very much need the money and a number of people and beasts depend on him and his husband. They have been incredibly helpful and supportive of me. If you can kick in, it is a kindness.: https://www.youcaring.com/tod-788345

* This is my oldest continuous Real Life friend. She is disabled and really needs the money for herself and beasts. To buy jewelry from her: https://www.etsy.com/shop/karjack

* Help pay for cat food, litter, meds, medical copays: Paypal Lethran@gmail.com

* Want Game of Thrones without the creepy? We need new players. We are very inclusive. "Game of Bones MUSH:" gobmush.wikidot.com

May 2025

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