(no subject)
Mar. 2nd, 2019 06:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwydion* "Nigeria’s winners and losers - from godfathers to rappers:" https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-47400317
* "Officials say Trump overstated Kim's demand on sanctions:" https://apnews.com/85250b96c38b4a238139e753302d9742
* "Otto Warmbier's family rebukes Trump, says Kim Jong Un is responsible for son's death:" https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/01/politics/otto-warmbier-family-trump-north-korea/index.html
* "Judge orders Roger Stone to explain imminent release of book that may violate gag order:" https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/legal-issues/judge-orders-roger-stone-to-explain-imminent-release-of-book-that-may-violate-gag-order/2019/03/01/c5302c0e-3c80-11e9-aaae-69364b2ed137_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.02f99a41b105
* "Rep. Maxine Waters wants to investigate Trump Foundation:" https://www.politico.com/story/2019/02/28/waters-investigation-trump-foundation-1229221
* "Who is Felix Sater and what's his role in Michael Cohen's plea deal?:" https://www.cbsnews.com/news/who-is-felix-sater-and-whats-his-role-in-michael-cohens-plea-deal/
* "With trials ending, Manafort fixates on another kind of judgment:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/with-trials-ending-manafort-fixates-on-another-kind-of-judgment-1450954819785
* "Swalwell confirms Cohen 'game changing' closed-door testimony:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/swalwell-confirms-cohen-game-changing-closed-door-testimony-1450956355873
* "Evolving lawyer statements could mean trouble for Kushner:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/evolving-lawyer-statements-could-mean-trouble-for-kushner-1450956867753
* "Washington Gov. Jay Inslee launches presidential campaign:" https://www.politico.com/story/2019/03/01/washington-governor-jay-inslee-launches-2020-presidential-campaign-1197170
* "N.C. political operative indicted, and prosecutor signals that more charges are likely:" https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/north-carolina-political-operative-indicted-in-election-fraud-case-that-upended-congressional-race/2019/02/27/b0d5f004-3aaf-11e9-aaae-69364b2ed137_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.49446984f211
* "Indicted NC political operative bailed out by elected official:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/indicted-nc-political-operative-bailed-out-by-elected-official-1450950211832
* "More than 1,000 TSA employees still owed back pay from shutdown:" https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/01/politics/tsa-back-pay-shutdown/index.html
* "ICE detaining "alarming" number of infants as young as five months, immigration groups claim:" https://www.newsweek.com/ice-detaining-alarming-number-infants-young-5-years-old-immigration-groups-1348648
* "London Medieval Murder Map:" https://www.vrc.crim.cam.ac.uk/vrcresearch/london-medieval-murder-map
* I got crap sleep, but managed to dress and be conscious when phone bureaucracy called 15 minutes early. To postpone until Tuesday, the motherfuckers. So I have to do this again for the sake of a horrible hour and a half long phone call I do not want to have in which there will be a million boring and intrusive questions and I must charm the new caseworker. I just wanted it the fuck over with so they'll leave me alone for another year. It was a last minute all staff meeting their end apparently. At least new caseworker follows the don't call before 3PM note in my file and does scheduling instead of waking me up at ten AM for surprise interrogation. Sigh.
* I periodically talk about my long term desensitization project. Part of why I do that is because I think a lot of time trauma feels so big and immutable that it can be really discouraging, particularly in the early stages of dealing with it. I wish I'd known what the other side might look like back when I was doing the hardest part of the work in my late teens. So this is what the the side looks like.
I think I may have finally hit some sort of tipping point were instead of chip, chip chipping away, progress is just so much faster. Enough to take my breath away. The first time I watched Hannibal it was so triggering, I had to give up early in second season. Today I passed the point where I gave up a few years ago and I haven't been triggered once. It's not like all the things done to me are undone, but it's fascinating for me to watch something that jumped up and down on a whole complex of some of my worst triggers and just feel ordinary watching a TV show things. I couldn't have really imagined that in my twenties despite how diligently I worked at defusing mines one by one. So often in the last half decade I've stepped gingerly, expecting explosion and nothing much happened, or only the ghost of an echo. I think this is what mostly healed looks like. The things that shaped me really are turning into just things that shaped me, some of which I still have feelings about, but which aren't anything like a minefield anymore.
The work was always worth it, even in the beginning when progress was hard to measure, and I plan to keep at it in future, because there will likely still be odds and ends to find and deal with. I just really did want to remind people that how you feel right now doesn't have to be forever. The work is worth doing and it really can get so much better no matter how bad it gets in the now.
* Randomly, my Washington Post access seems to be back!
*****
* Full list of Resistance and charity links has been migrated to my profile as it was getting out of hand.
* Trans Helplines: https://www.translifeline.org/
* Want to complaint about Betsy DeVos's plan to coddle college rapists? https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2018/11/29/2018-25314/nondiscrimination-on-the-basis-of-sex-in-education-programs-or-activities-receiving-federal#open-comment
* Donate to HIAS to help refugees: https://act.hias.org/page/6048/donate/1
* Want to contribute directly to the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services fund? "Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services:" https://www.raicestexas.org/
* Support Kids at the Border: http://brigdh.tumblr.com/post/175022384240/support-the-kids-at-the-border
* The Rainbow Road and other ways to help Gay Refugees: http://gwydionmisha.tumblr.com/post/160470723507/the-rainbow-railroad-is-helping-gay-men-escape
* Upset about the abuse of big cats by people who shouldn't be allowed to keep them? Big cat rescue is trying to change laws to protect wild animals. "Cat Laws:" https://bigcatrescue.org/cat-laws/
* A list of organizations to help you run for office: http://lovingmyselfishard.tumblr.com/post/167330144634/psst-hey
* Have something you want to tell your Congress Critters? If you can not protest in person, here are some other options:
Call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask to be connected to the representative of your choice.
* This App phones your rep for you: http://takeastance.us/
* Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resistbot.io/
* This is a cool person and the swimsuits are being made from an ethical source. LGBTQIA+ swimsuits: https://www.etsy.com/shop/NerdyKeppie?ref=l2-shopheader-name§ion_id=24021616
* Help pay for cat food, litter, meds, medical copays: Paypal Lethran@gmail.com or paypal.me/Gwydion
* Birthday/Solstice master list: https://gwydion.dreamwidth.org/1925021.html
* "Officials say Trump overstated Kim's demand on sanctions:" https://apnews.com/85250b96c38b4a238139e753302d9742
* "Otto Warmbier's family rebukes Trump, says Kim Jong Un is responsible for son's death:" https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/01/politics/otto-warmbier-family-trump-north-korea/index.html
* "Judge orders Roger Stone to explain imminent release of book that may violate gag order:" https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/legal-issues/judge-orders-roger-stone-to-explain-imminent-release-of-book-that-may-violate-gag-order/2019/03/01/c5302c0e-3c80-11e9-aaae-69364b2ed137_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.02f99a41b105
* "Rep. Maxine Waters wants to investigate Trump Foundation:" https://www.politico.com/story/2019/02/28/waters-investigation-trump-foundation-1229221
* "Who is Felix Sater and what's his role in Michael Cohen's plea deal?:" https://www.cbsnews.com/news/who-is-felix-sater-and-whats-his-role-in-michael-cohens-plea-deal/
* "With trials ending, Manafort fixates on another kind of judgment:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/with-trials-ending-manafort-fixates-on-another-kind-of-judgment-1450954819785
* "Swalwell confirms Cohen 'game changing' closed-door testimony:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/swalwell-confirms-cohen-game-changing-closed-door-testimony-1450956355873
* "Evolving lawyer statements could mean trouble for Kushner:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/evolving-lawyer-statements-could-mean-trouble-for-kushner-1450956867753
* "Washington Gov. Jay Inslee launches presidential campaign:" https://www.politico.com/story/2019/03/01/washington-governor-jay-inslee-launches-2020-presidential-campaign-1197170
* "N.C. political operative indicted, and prosecutor signals that more charges are likely:" https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/north-carolina-political-operative-indicted-in-election-fraud-case-that-upended-congressional-race/2019/02/27/b0d5f004-3aaf-11e9-aaae-69364b2ed137_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.49446984f211
* "Indicted NC political operative bailed out by elected official:" http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/indicted-nc-political-operative-bailed-out-by-elected-official-1450950211832
* "More than 1,000 TSA employees still owed back pay from shutdown:" https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/01/politics/tsa-back-pay-shutdown/index.html
* "ICE detaining "alarming" number of infants as young as five months, immigration groups claim:" https://www.newsweek.com/ice-detaining-alarming-number-infants-young-5-years-old-immigration-groups-1348648
* "London Medieval Murder Map:" https://www.vrc.crim.cam.ac.uk/vrcresearch/london-medieval-murder-map
* I got crap sleep, but managed to dress and be conscious when phone bureaucracy called 15 minutes early. To postpone until Tuesday, the motherfuckers. So I have to do this again for the sake of a horrible hour and a half long phone call I do not want to have in which there will be a million boring and intrusive questions and I must charm the new caseworker. I just wanted it the fuck over with so they'll leave me alone for another year. It was a last minute all staff meeting their end apparently. At least new caseworker follows the don't call before 3PM note in my file and does scheduling instead of waking me up at ten AM for surprise interrogation. Sigh.
* I periodically talk about my long term desensitization project. Part of why I do that is because I think a lot of time trauma feels so big and immutable that it can be really discouraging, particularly in the early stages of dealing with it. I wish I'd known what the other side might look like back when I was doing the hardest part of the work in my late teens. So this is what the the side looks like.
I think I may have finally hit some sort of tipping point were instead of chip, chip chipping away, progress is just so much faster. Enough to take my breath away. The first time I watched Hannibal it was so triggering, I had to give up early in second season. Today I passed the point where I gave up a few years ago and I haven't been triggered once. It's not like all the things done to me are undone, but it's fascinating for me to watch something that jumped up and down on a whole complex of some of my worst triggers and just feel ordinary watching a TV show things. I couldn't have really imagined that in my twenties despite how diligently I worked at defusing mines one by one. So often in the last half decade I've stepped gingerly, expecting explosion and nothing much happened, or only the ghost of an echo. I think this is what mostly healed looks like. The things that shaped me really are turning into just things that shaped me, some of which I still have feelings about, but which aren't anything like a minefield anymore.
The work was always worth it, even in the beginning when progress was hard to measure, and I plan to keep at it in future, because there will likely still be odds and ends to find and deal with. I just really did want to remind people that how you feel right now doesn't have to be forever. The work is worth doing and it really can get so much better no matter how bad it gets in the now.
* Randomly, my Washington Post access seems to be back!
*****
* Full list of Resistance and charity links has been migrated to my profile as it was getting out of hand.
* Trans Helplines: https://www.translifeline.org/
* Want to complaint about Betsy DeVos's plan to coddle college rapists? https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2018/11/29/2018-25314/nondiscrimination-on-the-basis-of-sex-in-education-programs-or-activities-receiving-federal#open-comment
* Donate to HIAS to help refugees: https://act.hias.org/page/6048/donate/1
* Want to contribute directly to the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services fund? "Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services:" https://www.raicestexas.org/
* Support Kids at the Border: http://brigdh.tumblr.com/post/175022384240/support-the-kids-at-the-border
* The Rainbow Road and other ways to help Gay Refugees: http://gwydionmisha.tumblr.com/post/160470723507/the-rainbow-railroad-is-helping-gay-men-escape
* Upset about the abuse of big cats by people who shouldn't be allowed to keep them? Big cat rescue is trying to change laws to protect wild animals. "Cat Laws:" https://bigcatrescue.org/cat-laws/
* A list of organizations to help you run for office: http://lovingmyselfishard.tumblr.com/post/167330144634/psst-hey
* Have something you want to tell your Congress Critters? If you can not protest in person, here are some other options:
Call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask to be connected to the representative of your choice.
* This App phones your rep for you: http://takeastance.us/
* Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resistbot.io/
* This is a cool person and the swimsuits are being made from an ethical source. LGBTQIA+ swimsuits: https://www.etsy.com/shop/NerdyKeppie?ref=l2-shopheader-name§ion_id=24021616
* Help pay for cat food, litter, meds, medical copays: Paypal Lethran@gmail.com or paypal.me/Gwydion
* Birthday/Solstice master list: https://gwydion.dreamwidth.org/1925021.html