Very Bad Things

[gwydion]

Djinni, do not read. All the moving and unpacking and line waiting and generally getting things done is doing alarming things to my body. It's not something I can convey to someone who doesn't live with constant, often excruciating pain. After all, my ordinary pain level is enough to render my legs unreliable and to occasionally buckle them without warning. I've had over a week of my legs starting to go within a few hours of me leaving my bed, in which every time I must bend over it's a special kind of torture, in which I never know what will happen if I try to stand. It is a little like everything between the lower bad patch on my spine and my knees is being squeezed inside an iron maiden, and everything else hurts too, of course. I really should be using the wheelchair, but I can't do things like strip the bed the third time this week because Hector is refusing to get out of bed to vomit sitting down. The kitchen is the opposite of ADA compliant for the apartment was advertized as being ADA compliant. I was supposed to do another reorganization as there was a lot more Gran china than I thought, but using the cabinets requires a ladder and I'm struggling with not screaming and collapsing to the floor every time I stand up. I do not trust myself with stacks of fragile hundred year old porcelain.

I am so sick of being old. I know, I had thirty good years physically, and for nearly half of them I did pretty much whatever and whoever I want, but I'm rather at the end of the pain resistance rope right now. I had to get out the good meds because even sitting down it was bad. I'd have gone to bed hours ago, but I need to wait for enough bedding to dry. I can't drive on the good meds and there is just so much needing done. I need a week off, but the world won't stop and let me rest. Between the pain and the whole suffocating in my sleep thing, sleep isn't all that restful either. (The waking up suffocating thing was Wednesday, but I've been borderline breathing wise since I first caught this con Crud in November. I wake up coughing and struggling to breath. It's undignified, and after I've sorted it, hard to get back to sleep again).

It was at this point, I discovered just before bedtime that someone for no reason I can even begin to guess poured a massive amount of soap into my office tank, the one I just put fish into earlier in the evening. I can't figure out how that could happen. Did they pour the soap into the tank when it was dry? When it was cycling? Did they pour the soap into the clean water buckets? Seriously, who does that? Normally, I'd assume Hector did it, as he can be in credibly creative about his destructiveness, but I simply can't figure out anyway could have physically done it. So that was one more thing I had to try to deal with before bed along with the whole, having to strip the bed, do yet more laundry and somehow remake the bed, which is hard even when I'm not completely thrashed physically. I am assuming the fish are dead, but as I can see neither live fish nor bodies. Still I changed out as much water as I had replacement water for, which made a massive mess as my legs kept randomly collapsing, which makes it had to keep the water actually in the buckets. As this was already way more than I should be doing physically for safety, I can't fill more buckets tonight. (Lots of bending and lifting and dealing with the terrible tub.) I feel terrible about it, but even with the strongest pain meds I have, the pain is alarming and I keep falling over. So likely I lost the fish and I'll have to break down the tank and likely replace the dirt as I have no idea how to get soap out of dirt.

I don't no why someone would do that. The cruelty of it is baffling. If it was an accident, why didn't they tell me they did it when I could do something about it?

Comments

[greenwick.livejournal.com]

Wow. Is there a soap container even near that tank? The only thing I can think of is maybe soap fell into it at the old place, or something. But I'm baffled as well.

[gwyd.livejournal.com]

No there isn't, but it really does smell like dish soap. The buckets don't. I smelled them just in case.